A popular website for getting Islamic advice is at IslamOnline, which offers weekly live fatwa sessions. Questions from Western women (some Christian, some converts) who married Muslim men and experience serious marital difficulties are common:
From Daniela in Italy: "As-Salamu `alaykum. I converted to Islam last year Alhamdulilah. I got married 8 months ago and I have had many problems with my husband. Although he never beats me, he always mistreats me. He is very nervous and gets upset for nothing. I'm afraid of talking because of his reaction. He always accuses me of not being a good muslimah and wife and says to me "u Italian!" He uses abusive language like "Shut up or I'll break your mouth and take your teeth off" or he threatens me holding a bottle in his hands. The day after he can be very lovely but he doesn't say sorry because it's "all my fault". Please note I don't shout at him, I don't use abusive language, etc. He gets upset for nothing....He said to me I can go away any time, he wouldn't care as we have no children. But, if we had children he would let me go but he would take them with him. His words "I'm Muslim but when it comes to kids I would forget about Islam, I would take the kids to my country and you wouldn't see them anymore. And if you or a member of your family try to do something, I would kill you/them" and he swore by Allah 3 times..... I'm afraid. I need your advice .....I think divorce is the only choice... I'm desperate. Jazakum Allah khairan!"
The advice was to seek counseling and try to repair the marriage. And don't bother him with minor matters. Another common question is whether it's permissible for a man to take more than one wife:
From a Muslim lab technician in England: "What is the ruling if a Muslim living in a non-Muslim country has to take a second wife due to unavoidable circumstances? It is very well known that Muslims have to abide the laws of their land. Is Islamic marriage permissible if both parties agree and understand that the marriage cannot be legalized? Please advise."
The answer is nuanced, you might say:
"First of all, we'd like to stress what you have mentioned in the question that Muslims living in a non-Muslim country must respect and abide by the laws of the land. So, if the laws do not permit taking a second wife, a Muslim must abide by the law of the country. However, if there is unavoidable circumstances to take a second wife as you said and you are sure that you can afford for two wives and apply justice among them, then you can contract the marriage in another country that allows taking a second wife."
A bit duplicitous? Sure, obey the laws of the land where you live (and perhaps are a citizen), and here's how to get around those laws that don't apply to us anyway. We saw a similar judgement last year, when an American woman (convert to Islam) asked about her husband:
"I just found out that he got married in his country (Egypt) this past summer and his new wife is now pregnant with their child. He never discussed this with me. I am very upset. I cannot discuss this with anyone. I understand that a husband can take more than one wife. Should he have not asked for my permission?"
Dr. Soltan's answer was essentially, yes, he should have told you, but get used to it:
"It is the right of the Muslim husband to get married to another woman...If your husband still wishes to keep you, then I advise you to get pregnant as soon as possible."
Diane West has an op-ed in the Washintgon Post today that touches upon keeping sharia law out of the West:
"It is, however, in our national interest, and must become a part of our national will, to ensure that Islamic law does not come to our own shores, whether by means of violent jihad terrorism as practiced by the likes of al Qaeda or Hezbollah, or through peaceful patterns of migration, such as those that have already Islamized large parts of Europe."
Ummm, in some respects, it's already here.
In Islam is it permissile for a muslim who has been diagnosed with an STD to marry another muslim that does not have any?
Posted by: Malaidah Leach | April 24, 2008 at 03:29 AM
i am getting ready to b a second wife i love him so much but sometimes i worry he w\swore to allah that he would divorce his first wife they have been separated for the last 4 months now but how can i make sure that he really has left her he does wear a ring on his hand but he swears to allah that his mother gave to him and his mother now has been dead some time
so i am afraid to ask him to take it off
how can i tell if he really now lives with his father or not
Posted by: maryam | November 20, 2009 at 02:31 PM